The 10 Most Confusing Lines from Christmas Songs

1. "And so I'm offering this simple phrase / To kids from one to ninety-two" (The Christmas Song) - I know that songs generally have to rhyme, but why did the writer of this song stop at ninety-two? I guess it's the biggest number that could fit in the rhythmic pattern he had going, but seriously, most people don't even think of ninety-two as a big number. How about "to kids from one to infinity times two?"
2. "Troll the ancient Yuletide carol" (Deck the Halls) - Okay, I have to admit I had to look up two words for this one. If you don't know what Yuletide is, it's just another, more general word for the holiday season. Troll, however, is a word we sing and probably don't even think about. Apparently the word means "to sing in succession," but is there seriously anybody who uses that word anymore? I know there are a lot of Old English words in our Christmas carols, but at least we know what they mean and they don't bring up images of some ugly creature that lives under a bridge.
3. "And he only paused a moment when / He heard him holler 'Stop!'" (Frosty the Snowman) - For starters, the first "he" refers to Frosty, while the second refers to the "traffic cop." The verse ends with this line, and the next one is about Frosty leaving. Did Frosty get hit by a car because he only paused for a moment? I mean, if the traffic cop is "holler[ing] 'Stop!'," then there must have been traffic coming. He was a "traffic cop," after all. So maybe the last verse of this song takes place in the middle of the road with the snowy mess that was Frosty saying his dying words, not from the heat of the sun, but from not listening to that traffic cop.
4. "He made me a watchman / On the city wall / And if I am a Christian / I am the leat of all" (Go Tell It on the Mountain) - Okay, so this one's a little obscure, but the fact that the word "leat" can be confused with "leet (l33t)" makes this song all the more ambiguous/funny. The term "leet," if you do not know, is a variation on the word "elite" and is usually used in the Internet gaming realm to talk about just how awesome you are. When I searched for "leat" on Merriam-Webster.com, I got the following message, verbatim: "Leat, it turns out, isn't in the free Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary." Even Merriam and Webster don't think this word is important enough to include in the dictionary, and they have the word "fug" in their dictionary. Know what it means? Me either.
5. "You better watch out / You better not cry / You better not pout / I'm tellin' you why..." (Santa Claus is Coming to Town) - This song suffers from a case of mixed messages. Is it trying to tell children that you shouldn't be sad because Santa's on his way, or is it trying to say that criers and pouters will get a heaping lump of coal in their stockings? Sorry, but if I were a child and my parents told me that me crying would deny me all of Santa's goodies, I would be one miserable wreck.
6. "Take a look in the five-and-ten glistening once again / With candy canes and silver lanes aglow" (It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas) - This is another line that's lesser-known, but I couldn't have only nine songs in this list, so there you go. While there's a chance some people may know what a five-and-ten store is (it's kind of like a Dollar Tree/convenient store), what are the glowing silver lanes and why are they in that store? Is this a reference to all of the old people that shop there? After all, Silver Lanes sounds like a retirement home...or a senior bowling team.
7. "There'll be scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of Christmases / Long, long ago" (It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year) - Okay, who includes telling ghost stories in their slew of Christmas traditions? Okay honey, go get the kids. We just had dinner, opened presents, read the Christmas story, and now we have to scare the bejesus out of the little ones. Maybe this is something more common, but I know for a fact my family would have none of that nonsense, especially if it'll keep Pop Pop from his dinner.
8. "Snowing and blowing up bushels of fun / Now the jingle hop has begun" (Jingle Bell Rock) - "Snowing" is a common verb in Christmas songs. "Blowing up" is rather uncommon, unless you happen to be spending your holiday with Duke Nukem or John McClane. By the way, Die Hard is the best Christmas movie you can see with your family. If nothing else, it beats the hell out of ghost stories.
9. "Holy infant so tender and mild" (Silent Night) - Hearing "tender and mild" conjures up images of fried chicken. Definitely not a child from heaven.
10. "Here is a hammer and lots of tacks..." (Up on the Housetop) - This is the reason why "you'd better watch out" when Santa Claus is comin' to town. Imagine reaching into your stocking and pulling out a handful of tacks and a blunt weapon. Just what would you think of Santa Claus then?